Saturday, November 17, 2012

It's Enough

Today I found a blog of a woman I am distantly acquainted with.  She has two young daughters, but she has managed to write two books, one based on her goal of accomplishing one new thing a month that she’s never tried before, and apparently her project is famous enough that she is followed by the President on Twitter.  Now, usually, I am pretty good at suppressing the green envy monster.  I am pretty good at mostly being content with what I do on a daily basis.  As mundane as doing dishes, folding laundry, and wiping bottoms can be, it’s what I’ve always wanted to do, and I usually can live each day quite joyfully, even though some might call it boring. 


But tonight, I began to feel the discontent creeping in.  Not so much because I’m sitting at home most of the time, some days just trying to keep my three boys alive, but because I know I’m capable of doing so many more things—of writing, of being in the limelight, of being successful according to the standards of the world.  And then I begin to wonder.  Am I settling?  I know I’m doing a great thing by raising three (almost four) children and being a good wife, but maybe I’m just using that as an excuse for not living up to my God-given potential.  Maybe I’m too scared to try something new, because as hard as being a mom is sometimes, it’s safer for me than being with adults all day, or putting myself out there, or trying to write a book.  Maybe I’m just being lazy and using my exhaustion, my children, my pregnancy as an excuse for not using my talents and trying to accomplish feats I’ve always wanted to accomplish. 

 
But then I remember.  God has given many talents and gifts, and I’m not just referring to obvious talents like writing, or singing, or piano playing.  I am not much of a worrier.  I count that as a gift from God in today’s harrowing and unstable world.  I find it easy to trust him with the details of our finances, health, and safety.  I have a decent amount of patience, which it cultivated every day as I raise three small boys.  I have the ability to laugh at life, which is a God-given talent when my two-year old throws 2 dozen eggs one-at-a-time on the kitchen floor and my one-year old dumps out an entire box of Q-tips, and my four-year old is crying because he really needs a nap but refuses to take one any longer.  I am pretty creative, which comes in handy when my son wants an Indian costume for our Thanksgiving party, and he tells me this the day of the party, and I have two yards of scrap fabric and a literal five minutes to sew it together.  I say all this, not to make you think better of me, but to remind myself I am using my gifts.  I use them on a daily basis as I raise my children, keep my home, love my husband.  If I never write anything of value except for silly poems and songs to help my children learn how to spell their names and remember their vowel sounds, then I have accomplished something great with the talent God has given me.  If I never accomplish anything greater or more life-changing than teaching all my children to go potty on the potty, then well, I consider myself a great success.  If the only adult I ever work for is my husband, then I can be thankful that I have a wonderful boss whose love and companionship are better benefits than most employees receive.   I may not being doing something wonderful for the whole world to see, but my family is my world, and I’m doing a lot for them to see. 


Today we went to the International Conference on Missions (formerly the Missionary Convention) in Indianapolis to visit with some of my college friends.  I saw a lot of old friends and talked to a few strangers at a couple of booths.  I was so proud to introduce my three boys, accept congratulations for the one on the way, and say, “Yes, I’m a stay-at-home-mom”.  Because while for some, it may not be a lot, for me, for my family, it’s wonderful…and it’s enough.