Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Jury Duty

Last week, one of my worst nightmares came true.  Yes, I was summoned for jury duty.  Why is this one of my worst nightmares (besides being a major inconvenience and coming in the middle of my busiest week this month)?  First, I've always been a goodie-goodie, and just the thought of walking into the courthouse makes me feel like I've done something wrong, much less sitting in a courtroom.  Second, aside from watching reruns of Matlock at my grandma's when I was growing up and a heated discussion about motive in high school physics class, I know absolutely nothing about what goes on during a trial, and I hate being in a situation where I don't know anything that's going on.  Lastly, I am not good with strangers.  Situations where I have to make small talk with people I don't really know--yeesh, it gives me chills.  I do not like people I don't know pestering me about my personal life, nor do I want to ever again repeat the scene from the county health clinic where a slightly-toasted man told me about his pet bear who happened to save a young girl from a burning building (true story).  So, with much trepidation and a lot of prayer, I arrived on time to my first encounter with jury duty. 

First, we watched this nice video quickly explaining what would happen if we were selected for the jury, along with some nice statements from supposedly real life people telling us what a wonderful experience serving on a jury turned out to be.  We then met the judge, who to my relief was a very nice, welcoming man.  We also met the defense and prosecuting lawyers, and then the charge of the defendant was read.  Mind you, we were in circuit court, which I am pretty sure the jury handbook said meant we would be handling small claims, theft, simple little crimes.  My jaw dropped when the judge said the guy was charged with two counts of attempted murder.  Needless to say, now I really, really, REALLY did not want to be here deciding the guilt of someone accused of doing something that major.  Then the first 12 candidates were called up front.  I couldn't decide which would be worse: getting called up and risk being chosen as a juror or having to sit there all day while they filled the jury.  I was not one of the first 12, but I had my excuses all ready just in case:

1. I have three small boys under the age of 5.  Have you ever tried to find a babysitter for more than a few hours for three small boys under the age of 5 who are rambunctious, stubborn, and sometimes downright ornery?
2. I have three small boys and I'm pregnant with my fourth child.  Isn't that enough for you to feel sorry for me?
3. I am pregnant.  There are so many reasons why this should excuse me from jury duty: sitting in one place for more than 30 minutes makes every bone in my entire body ache; I have to go potty every 5 minutes; I am crazy emotional this pregnancy, and do you really want a juror crying at the drop of the hat?; I am easily irritated and I cannot promise that I will not yell at severely disagree with a fellow juror or anyone else in this courtroom that annoys me.  Really, do I need to keep going?  I was hoping those three major reasons would be enough to excuse me from jury duty.

Then both attorneys interviewed the jurors, probing the inner recesses of their mind, trying to figure out if this person or that person were best suited to their side of the case.  It was quite entertaining to not only hear their questions, but also to hear people's responses.  Let me just say that there are some major crazy people in this world.  I'm not sure how lawyers or judges sit in front of people like this day in and day out without falling on their backsides laughing their heads off, because people are nuts.  I also kept getting this sinking feeling that if called, I would most definitely be chosen because there were moments when I thought I was the only sane person in the room.  But, as the day wore on, I was relieved to find out that there are some really good people in this world.  Lots of people who believe in doing what's right, working hard, following the law, and doing their service to their country.  Because though everyone said they were less than thrilled to be there, except for one guy who was very enthused about being selected for jury duty and practically begged to be picked, almost everyone said that if chosen, they would do their best and give the young defendant a fair trial. 

Luckily, after sitting all day with only two bathroom breaks and no lunch (Yes, really, they kept a six-month pregnant lady from eating all day and then expected me to be congenial if called to the juror's box) the jury was filled and I was allowed to go home.  I have never been more relieved to get out of a place in my life, and I've never been more excited to eat an Arby's chicken sandwich.  And, even better, I have fulfilled my debt to society for now, and have at least two years before I can possibly be chosen again!