On Mother's Day, Remember The Mothers-In-Law

The more sons I have and the more they grow, the more I appreciate my mother-in-law.  And I'm not just saying that because she reads my blog.  The older I get, the more real it becomes that someday they will grow up and grow away.  They will no longer hug and kiss me, sit on my lap and cuddle, tell me all their secrets.  I will no longer be the queen of their heart.  Sometimes, I just want to sit and cry just thinking about it.  And then I remember that my mother-in-law had a little boy.  She loved him just like I love my sons.  She gave birth to him, and changed his diapers, and kissed his sweet baby head.  She laughed at his toddler antics, and placed band-aids on his skinned knees after he fell off his bike.  She did all the things I do for my sons, except now her son is grown up, and he's my husband.

I have been blessed with wonderful in-laws, and I have no complaints.  They've always been kind, gracious, loving, patient, and ready to help at a moment's notice.  My mother-in-law has never criticized my parenting skills, homemaking skills, or anything else skills.  But, I know some of you have terrible in-laws.  I've heard some of your stories.  I've stood with my mouth open at what some of my friends have to deal with almost daily from their mothers-in-law.  But, that's no excuse to dislike her, to be mean to her, to talk badly about her to others.  Sometimes she's a little hard on your husband, on your children, on you.  But let's give her some grace.  Here's why:

Imagine for a moment your son.  Imagine raising him and caring for him and spending your blood, sweat, and tears to insure that he grows up right, and then another woman takes him.  She doesn't just take him away physically, she steals his affection and his heart.  She sweeps him off his feet, and now, though you see him occasionally and this other woman takes care of him, he's no longer yours.  Wouldn't that be hard?  Wouldn't you have a hard time for a while getting used to this other woman?  Guess what?  That woman is you.  Yes, it is proper and right for your husband to leave his mother (and father) and cleave to you, but that doesn't make it easy for your mother-in-law.  And, there are other things going on her life that could make it more difficult:

 -Maybe she's controlling because her whole life, someone controlled her, so now she tries to control the only thing she thinks she can--her children.

-Maybe her life has been filled with broken dreams and the only bright spot in her gray life is your husband, and she struggles to let him go, because she thinks then she might lose him forever.

-Maybe she's critical of you and your parenting decisions, because she loves your husband so much, and as an extension of him, your children--her grandchildren--and so she just wants what's best for them.  She wouldn't have trusted anyone else to raise her son, so it's hard to trust others to raise her grandchildren.

-Maybe she treats your husband like a child because she looks at him and sees that little boy he used to be--the one whose boo-boos she kissed, and diapers she changed, and dreams she heard, and those funny sayings she laughed at and hid in her heart.  Which is also the same heart that breaks a little every time when she remembers how fast he grew up.

-Maybe she hangs around too much, offers her advice too freely, swoops in during a difficult situation, because she really does love you and genuinely wants to help you, even if it seems too much at times.

-Maybe she's just a human being who makes mistakes.  You know, just like you.

So, remember as you look at your own children, watch them grow, delight in them, ache over them, remember, she did the same over her child...her son....your husband.  Remember that someday, you'll be a mother-in-law, and think how you will want to be treated.  And have some appreciation, but more importantly, some grace for your mother-in-law.

So thank you, mothers-in-law for raising our husbands to be good men.  Thank you for being good mothers to your sons, and for taking us women into your family.  We know you made some mistakes, but we also make daily mistakes in raising our children.  We know you're not perfect, but neither are we.  We still love you, and have a very happy Mother's Day.